I physically hate school. It gives me the most horrible headache and I have been known to actually cry when I have to go to campus. I usually drop classes half way through (or just fail them) because I never go and never check online for assignments. I have royally screwed myself in the degree department…and I don’t give half of a shit. Yet every semester the same thing happens. My mom ANNOYS THE SHIT OUT OF ME until I register for a class, any class. Then she constantly BUGS ME about it and then gets mad because when she asks I either don’t respond or yell at her.
“Why don’t you ever talk about school? Why do you always get mad at me? You should want to get an education!” BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I DON’T CARE.
The only thing I care about right now is paying rent and my bills, having fun, and doing well at my pretty goddamn well paying job for a wannabe college drop out. I don’t know what the hell I want to do in life and I’m sick of paying for something I DON’T CARE ABOUT.
I do want to get a degree eventually, and I know that there are a lot less intelligent people in the world with MULTIPLE degrees, but I just don’t want to go to school right now. It’s not in my cards and it doesn’t fit into my life at the moment. Our time spent here is so goddamn short, I don’t want to waste it reading about shit that has no effect on me as a person at all. Its not a popular opinion but school is a waste of time. It makes me so unhappy and causes me more stress on top of my day to day stress from living and being a 22 year old. I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, yet the pressure to go is so great.
Every time I see my “family,” they berate me with questions about school. This is why I hate my family and HATE spending time with them. I don’t care if they think I’m horrible and unfriendly because I don’t care what they think about me. If these people are going to judge my mom and I because I hate school and don’t want to go then fuck them. I know part of it is because I’m black and they want me to succeed and not be a stereotype, but I’m not going to be a stereotype and its upsetting that the people who should love me unconditionally see me as a failure because I haven’t graduated college yet. My mom only want me to go to school because of the pressure on her as a single parent and as much as I want to make her happy, I just cannot put myself through this torture called college.
I’d rather put someone from a developing country who WANTS a degree and knows what they want in my spot. That doesn’t make me a horrible person, does it?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go to the Houston Community College website and see how I can get out of the rest of this semester.