Guayaki you’re the reason I can function.
Keeps me sane,
Anxious, no more.
Helps me be a better version,
More like the person I envision myself to be.
Yerba Mate, I am a believer.
Let me Revel in the Berry you put forth.
Fantasies are what keep me moving, I admit it.
I fantasize about my impending move back to the city I love and moving on up in life. Being the student I was meant to be, possibly moving up in my job. I think about what an amazing place i’ll end up once I graduate.
I go to sleep thinking about the great dude i’ll eventually meet and how when that happens I’ll hopefully be at the point in my life where my shit is almost fully together. I dream about caressing his face and cracking up late at night. I think about how easy it’ll be to be with him, how after we fight we kiss and make up. I imagine our first shitty apartment together, and how we’ll make it perfect with our dumb, cheesy love.
I dream about my babies that I eventually want to have, and how gorgeous and loved they’ll be. I think about talking to them about my life before them and them laughing at the stupid things I did. I think about their graduations, grandchildren…
Thinking about my future keeps me going. I know it won’t be exactly how I picture it, but I know it’ll be great no matter what, cause that’s life. Its a beautiful, wonderful, fucking shit fest.
and then the night comes
earlier than before
lonelier than before
i can get through it
i always will
until the darkness of my eyelids overcomes me
ever so slowly
to be awoken unceremoniously
by the bell
the unreal bell
my angry heart
although fiery, flutters
why couldn’t you love me?
why wouldn’t you?
time will heal these wounds i feel
until then i’ll wait
I have no choice but too.
my angry heart,
still wants to love.
this is just one of things I write in my phone when I’m overcome with emotion at work. it helps a bit.